A little over a decade ago, Spirit decided that I should start a church - a humorous situation especially since Spirit was the only one who knew what I was doing. That's right, I had no idea. In any case, lightning had struck, and the inspiration sparked by Spirit's touch would not let go. In spite of my limited income, vague concepts, and limited awareness, I idealistically gathered together a group of intelligent, spiritually disparate individuals.
After settling on the carpeted floor of the bare office that I had rented, we introduced ourselves. Then those present politely listened while I rambled on about various ambiguous ideals and nebulous organizational ideas. Since all of us had been exposed to the philosophy popularized by the various Star Trek television series and movies, I assumed that others would clearly and quickly comprehend the wonderful reasons for a spiritual organization where individuals gathered to share their beliefs and benefit from that diversity.
In that meeting several unexpected things happened. A dear friend who typically jumped on any spiritual bandwagon with enthusiasm stated that she didn't know enough to be a part of this birthing. Perhaps she comprehended what I had not: that those who agreed to work on this association would become heads of a church.
Amazingly a woman I had only known for two months grasped my poorly stated ideas and understood the grand concepts. Spirit must have moved her too. By the end of the meeting, she was elected assistant director - and many times over the intervening years I would have been lost without her.
Perhaps the strangest thing to happen at that time was that everyone insisted that I had to function as Director. They pointed out that it was my vision so of course I had to lead. At the time, I really was hoping someone else would be elected; to me anyone in the room offered better qualifications.
In any case, the Circle of Living Spirit was born. None of us on the first Board (which later morphed into a Council) had any idea exactly what had been created. Oh, we had wonderfully global concepts and exquisitely philosophical words that floated around the room during harmonious meetings. However, we thought we would write the documents to guide the organization and things would proceed precisely in that way. In our naiveté, we believed that the association would develop as planned and scheduled.
In spite of our inexperience, Living Spirit grew into an entity separate from our preconceived notions although it certainly centered on those delightful original meetings.
Over the years, Living Spirit Circle has encompassed members who declared themselves as Germanic or Celtic Pagans, Buddhists, Taoists, Christian mystics, eclectic Neo-Pagans, followers of various Indigenous religions and shamanic practitioners, Wiccans, Catholics, Methodists, Universalist Unitarians, Baptists, followers of the African Diasporic Traditions, as well as Druids (including one humorously self-classified as a "Jewish Druid"). We are an interfaith church and community. In effect, at every church event, we celebrate cooperatively together, teaching each other when necessary, and sharing our personal spiritual paths.
Everyone did not agree at the beginning but over the years we created our own shared meanings. Although most people have their own ideas about what the words "interfaith" and "community" mean, in broad terms, interfaith relationships stand on an idealized notion that people who believe in similar ideals desire to interact harmoniously. That is, whether they proclaim themselves as mystical, metaphysical, spiritual or religious persons, those involved would interact amicably in order to reach a common goal. Through these interactions, they would learn about each other and increase understanding of each tradition's practices.
Regardless of the definition of "interfaith" that you accept, anybody can learn a great deal from being involved in a community and that education increases when it is an interfaith community. Yet, those plain words do not describe the amazing experiences, fun activities, sad failures, surprising achievements, and awesome successes from working with an interfaith organization. Here are a few important things I have learned.
Respect and Consideration
Having respect for a person differs from treating others respectfully.
Respect has nothing to do with fear or anger. So many people think that others must fear them before they are given respect. Nothing could be less true. As we interact, respect grows. Most commonly, it is earned through observation of someone's appropriate actions or superior character.
While it is true that respect is earned, nothing good happens unless we treat each other with consideration and politeness. No positive contact can happen without courteous and civil interactions.
Clearly insults don't move a group toward a goal of empathy and friendship. After all, how can we build positive associations if we demean an individual? Whether we have just met or have known each other for years, rude behavior separates us from developing a friendly relationship; it prevents us from getting to know each other.
When you act respectfully toward others, any conversation begins with the fundamental attitude that everyone has a valid point. Through interactions anchored in an attitude of politeness, we realize that each person has a reason for his beliefs. During meetings, people will be more levelheaded and more willing to listen to other's opinions.
It's Always About Communication
To truly interact within a community, each person must move beyond surface relationships. Because of this, each individual must improve his or her ability to communicate. Often this is a matter of learning that we need to talk; each of us needs to explain his or her point of view, and cannot take for granted that someone else will explain to others what we believe.
More importantly, we cannot assume that someone will intuitively know what we want in any situation. Certainly, we might be lucky: one individual might say something that we wish we had said or that we would have said (if we were talking) but in most cases, if we don't say it, no one will.
Through communication, we learn about the foolishness of making assumptions. We understand that others don't always think the way we assume they do. Often we find out that they haven't judged us as harshly as we have judged ourselves. Once in a while, we are surprised to discover that they do care about us.
Within community, when we interact with others over time, we can't just walk away. At some point, we need to come back and explain our feelings, express our expectations, and share our goals. The trust that builds within a community helps to improve a person's ability to convey an idea or explain a feeling.
Staying in community entails talking to each other. You must be prepared to speak even if no one else is talking. Candidly and kindly speak the truth as you see it. Be willing to take a chance as mediator. I'm not condoning shouting matches or abusive insults. I'm suggesting you try to speak from a union of heart and head, a merger of intelligence and compassion.
Being in community requires listening to each other. Again, be ready to hear what others are saying even if no one else is listening. If you are the only one paying attention, be willing to be the only one doing so. Be a witness to the words and for those speaking.
It's fine to let others know you are willing to hear what they have to say, but realize that making that statement turns willingness into a public commitment, and you'll need to follow through on it.
Tell People That You Value Them
Let people know when you appreciate what they did. Tell the person face-to-face.
When you tell people that you appreciate them, don't grandstand about it. In other words, don't ignore the individual and then later at a group function deliver a speech about what they did. Go ahead and make the comments in public but remember that what you say one-on-one really matters.
When you do recognize people for what they've done, don't forget the simple tedious tasks. Let others know who showed up two hours early to set up the chairs. Announce your gratitude for the one who spent half of the day cooking the food. And most importantly thank the person who cleaned up the mess afterwards. If an individual put forth a lot of effort, honor that work. If you get tongue-tied speaking in public, offer a simple comment such as "Mary's flowers on the altar are so beautiful," or "Mike and Heather did a great job cleaning up the kitchen."
Along with that, remember to thank people. If you forgot to thank someone or can't remember if you did, mention it again the next time you see them. Be sincere. Don't use trite sayings just because others do - unless you truly feel that way. When you ask "how are you," mean it, and then wait for the answer.
Know When to Keep Quiet
When you get to know people, some love the closeness offered in a small community, but that very closeness causes a few to feel overly vulnerable. Let each member move at her own pace. Invite participation but don't create a bigger issue with repeated comments.
Perhaps a particular person will interact more easily in a small gathering but will be uncommunicative and shy at bigger events.
When a typically quiet person finally begins to talk to you, don't interrupt even if there are lengthy pauses between his words. Wait. Don't guess what he is about to say. Give him a chance to finish his thoughts.
When a person decides to trust you with a confidence (assuming it's not about something illegal), keep quiet about it. Don't ever name names and don't think you know more about a situation than someone else does. You can talk to your dead mother about it or you can pray about it, but don't mention it to your best friend over coffee. Even if it seems to be a little secret to you, it's not small to that person.
Perhaps you believe an individual could gain support from another who has experienced the same situation. When you introduce the two individuals to each other, don't bring up potentially embarrassing circumstances. Allow them to discover what they have in common.
Although it's a common statement, don't say, "I know how you feel." Don't assume you know what another person is going through. It is one thing to offer support, but don't usurp the conversation recounting your personal stories.
Your Way Might Be Faster But It's Not Always Better
Some people will do what they say they will do and some won't. Unfortunately, you won't know until you give them the chance to show you. Although you never know what will happen when individuals try to do something, once in a while the most remarkable things happen when you let them try.
Don't judge others just because they don't do things your way. Whether people are volunteers or paid employees, when they work remember that their efforts are the best they can do. No group will continue if one person does all of the work. In addition, you'll just annoy the community if you constantly insist on being the critical expert.
Old Dogs Might Not Learn But People Can
People do change. The old phrase "a leopard doesn't change its spots" is not true. Over time, people develop, learn and transform. Don't expect maturity to grow overnight and don't expect it to happen without support from others. Experience is the best teacher. A person can mature into a helpful, reliable member of the community or even an amazingly wise individual. That makes up for the times that people repeat the same mistakes and let you down.
Be Willing to Be Wrong
In life, you rarely get a chance to go back and make things right. This is true whether you believe that you will eventually stand at the pearly gates or that a soul moves through a cycle of reincarnation. When you make a mistake, admit it. Tell people that you misjudged something or someone. A simple statement - "I was wrong" - goes a long way toward fixing many problems.
Drama Belongs On the Stage
Learn the difference between gossip and concern: the concerned person wants what is best for the person, while the gossip wants an exaggerated story. For instance, when an individual stops attending for a while, don't let others turn the situation into a major catastrophe. In addition, don't cast the person from the group. Remain objective, stay in touch and continue to be friendly, but don't push. No cooperative community develops from coercion or guilt.
Many times, I've found that someone has not attended because of unrelated reasons; it's not always about you or your group. If you don't forget about that individual, and you sincerely check in once in a while, more times than not, the person will return to active participation. And if not, at least you didn't create an enemy.
Keep Your Objectivity
Abraham Lincoln was correct: "You can please some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time." Decide whom you want to please. Do you want to please only yourself? Do you want to satisfy the ones who have supported the organization for years? Do you want to appease the verbose dissatisfied visitor? It's not always about trying to prove something. Decide to do what you think is the right thing to do and do it as well as you can.
Build Your Own Community
Creating community is difficult but more than worth the effort. Years ago, Living Spirit started as a multi-faith, multi-traditional church that also honors nature, and that interfaith gathering continues to this day. In spite of the lessons - or rather, because of these lessons - I value those members who have stuck it out, those who are still enthusiastic about our community, and those who plan to support our little church into the future. These words are for them, in honor of the work we have done together, and to promote the dream that more people will learn together as we have. Perhaps the lessons I learned through this experience will help others to gain an understanding of how interfaith groups work.
The goal of our church isn't just tolerance; it is acceptance of diversity based on an appreciation of each individual path and an attempt to understand each other. We gather together and enjoy our differences and our similarities in religious services and social events. Maybe the idea will catch on.
Living Spirit (also called Living Spirit Circle) was founded in 1997, incorporated in 1998, and recognized as tax-exempt under 501(c)(3) in 2003. For more information, e-mail Lillith at lillith.lewis@gmail.com or Living Spirit at living-spirit@neo.rr.com.